PLAYLIST: A Reluctant Girl's Guide to Tinder

If you’re single, red-blooded, and in possession of a smart phone, there’s a strong chance you’re swiping away on Tinder. You said you’d join it for the ‘lolz’ but let’s face it, those ‘lolz’ were the result of a lot of internal screaming prior to the realisation of your impenetrable loneliness and romantic insignificance. Now we’ve got that painful admission out of the way, let’s crack on.

You’ve surrendered to the dating app and much to your surprise, you’re actually quite enjoying the swiping (and the super-likes are doing wonders for your fragile ego). The thought of going on a date no longer repulses you – it excites you! Now you can join in your friends’ conversations about all the marvellous, interesting, hot new guys (and girls) they’ve been dating! You start thinking about who you might meet (Mr. Right, Mr Right Now…) and how many whirlwind romances you could have! Optimism, that’s the key…

But, it’s never that simple. Tinder can help you harvest some of the finest D(udes) in the city, but it can also leave you feeling deflated, rejected, and in dire need of a double G&T when you realise you’ve got ‘feelings’ for that disgustingly attractive guy who is 100% not looking for a relationship with you. OH WELL! When you get to this point, I’d advise accidentally breaking your phone, replacing it, and not downloading the app to your new handset. Then, I’d recommend curating your own playlist so you can laugh, cry, and smash plates to all your favourite songs in an attempt to remind yourself that there’s a world out there, and you don’t have to be on Tinder to be a part of it!

If you’re considering signing up to Tinder, or if you’re simply feeling a bit jaded, make sure you slap this playlist on before your fingers get frisky. (Editor’s Note: it ends on a high, I promise.)

For when you first download the app and you’re surprised how quickly the compliments start rolling in…

Yeah Yeah Yeahs – ‘Phenomena’

For when some of your matches start asking inappropriate questions within five minutes of messaging you…

TLC – ‘No Scrubs’

For when their bio says ‘lookin 4 a real laydee’ and you laugh as you swipe left whilst singing “I’m savage, fuck your white horse and a carriage”…

Rihanna – ‘Needed Me’

For when you’re feeling flirty and you want them to know you’re a “sweet little love-maker”…

FKA Twigs – ‘Pendulum’

For when you secure and inevitably ace that first date…

Fazerdaze – ‘Lucky Girl’

For when you “wake up, in your make up” after the best date ever, but then you get home and “you feel so used up and torn…”

Hole – ‘Celebrity Skin’

Or alternatively, for when your date gets cancelled but you’re already “standing on the bridge, waiting in the dark…”

Avril Lavigne – ‘I’m With You’

For when you catch feelings but you’d rather drink cyanide than tell the person how you feel…

Daughter – ‘No Care’

For when they ghost you, even though you were “getting along famously…”

Slaves – ‘White Knuckle Ride’

For when you need emotional reassurance from your girls…

Dream Nails – ‘DIY’

For when you try to distract yourself by going on three dates with three different people on consecutive nights and wonder who you even are…

Massive Attack – ‘Dissolved Girl’

For when you realise they’re using you in the same way, and you’re all as bad as each other…

Honeyblood – ‘Super Rat’

When you finally realise you can use Tinder to meet genuinely interesting people and have fun, but you just need to learn to chill the fuck out first….

Candi Staton – ‘Young Hearts Run Free’