So…you’ve had your heart chewed up, spat out, and stomped on? Me too, pal. Me too. Heartbreak hurts, doesn’t it?! Like actual physical pain, and no matter how many gins you knock back, tears you sob, or cigarettes you puff; nothing really brings relief. It will take time. You will get there, and guess what? That shithead (sorry, I mean ‘ex’) isn’t bloody worth it anyway. You’re strong babe, but when you feel like your heart is breaking here are the ten of the best tracks to listen to (on repeat)…

 

1. For when you’re sobbing into your pillow:

Has the one you love stabbed you right in the heart, repeatedly? Oh mate, I’m sorry. You don’t deserve it, and though you might not feel like it right now; you are special and wonderful. Listen to the velvety tones of Keaton Henson’s ‘Sweetheart, What Have You Done To Us’, and cry along to his deeply moving lyrics.

2. For when you’re crying a bit bloody more (no Mum, the tears haven’t stopped yet!):

Crying is healthy, it really is. You’re human mate, and you need to let all the heartbreak out. Let yourself grieve, let yourself feel, and let yourself sob/wail/cry to the lyrics of Adele‘s ‘Someone Like You’ – or any Adele track, really. (FYI – I did this in the family kitchen with my Mum with a bottle of red wine).

3. For when the anger creeps up on you with undeniable force:

I’m not an angry person – I can get frustrated and stressed – but when I feel anger I genuinely surprise myself.  My God though – does it feel good! Go on… he was short wasn’t he? You f**king hated her hair, didn’t you?! They actually had a really annoying laugh, didn’t they? And please don’t get me started on their innate ability to make everything sound condescending. Anger is good when you’re experiencing heartbreak, just make sure it doesn’t last long (they don’t deserve the high blood pressure). Listen to this subtly titled winner from Three Days Grace…

4. For when you go totally numb and you don’t know what feelings are:

Emotions are really draining. It takes so much energy to feel, but for those moments when nothing quite seems real, and you’re staring at your bedroom ceiling at 4am and you’re pretty sure you can’t feel your toes anymore (do you even have toes anymore?!), you best pop The Smith‘s ‘There is a Light That Never Goes Out’ on…

5. For when you’re ready to be wing-manned by your single friends who can’t wait to welcome you back to the dark side (Yes please, 3 tequilas)

“Hallelujah!” they scream. “He was boring anyway!” they celebrate. “Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!” they chant. Look, I am not saying alcohol is the answer, nor am I saying a rebound is…but it might just help a little here, darling. “Make mine a double!” you say. “Play me Tame Impala” you scream…

6. For when you realise you have good friends and “You don’t need no man/woman/whoever” 

Wait, does this mean I can wear heels and not make my ex feel uncomfortable with his height restrictions now? Does this mean I can now be as creative as possible and do things when I want and not worry about when the football is on? Wait, does this mean I can now watch back to back episodes of Ru Paul whilst not sharing my crisps and dips in bed because I am a grown adult with needs?! YES. Cue Banks…

7. For when it’s 3am, you’re 5 pints in, and you find yourself frantically scrolling for their number in your phone.

“HEY U UP?!”

8. For when you need to be reminded you are a strong, badass bitch from hell.

(Insert your own favourite song here). David Bowie‘s ‘Rebel Rebel’ is mine, because sometimes singing and pretending that you are an alien from space is good for the soul. Bowie is also good for the soul. Fact.

9. For when you remember that they were actually okay, and they were a big part of your life. NB – use of verb ‘were’

(Insert ‘our’ song here). The Last Shadow Puppets‘ ‘Sweet Dreams, TN’ was ‘ours’. The thought of listening to this song made me feel a bit weird and weepy at first, and then I got angry (see step 3). Remember that you love that band, and you love that song, and you probably did love that ex, too. Everything happens for a reason, my darling, and whatever you do – don’t let it ruin music for you.

10.  For when you realise it’s all going to be okay (I promise.) 

Look at you! Surviving etc. You’re doing it, and you’re doing it all on your own. They said you were going to get there, didn’t they?! You’re going to be just fine. I’m proud of you, and so is Sam Cooke…