Nice doesn’t get you anywhere anymore. Cooky, outrageous and just plain dramatic does, as a very melancholy Mozza has proved time and time again. It wasn’t a quick task (the man has so much to say) but here are my fifteen favourites from the forlorn frontman. Heaven knows he’s miserable now…

1) “Long hair is an unpardonable offense which should be punishable by death” – Star Hits, 1986

2) “[Dance music] is the refuge for the mentally deficient. It’s made by dull people for dull people” – Details, 1992

3) “[Richard Madeley] referred to me as an ‘insufferable puffed-up rat’. This is a bit rich coming from a man who actually married his own mother” – Unknown

4) “What’s the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning? Wish I hadn’t” – Q, 1995

5) Jools Holland: “Knock knock!”
Morrissey: “I’m not in!”
Jools Holland: “Oh come on”
Morrissey: “I refuse to open the door”

– On Later With Jools Holland, 2004 (from 2.30 on the video below)

6) “I would never do anything as vulgar as having fun” – NME, 1986

7) “Life is a difficult business. Even Jesus only made it to 33″ – Hot Press, 2008

8) “The Smiths happened because I walked home in the rain once too often” – The Times, 1999

9) “The fire in the belly is essential, otherwise you become Michael Bublé – famous and meaningless” – Billboard, 2011

10) “The rhino is now more or less extinct, and it’s not because of global warming or shrinking habitats. It’s because of Beyoncé‘s handbags” – At LA gig, 2013

11) “[David and Victoria Beckham] should be dragged to the edge of the village and flogged” – Loaded, 2013

12) “Hey Rob, it’s a good thing you brought a broom, I was just about to sweep the floor with you” -Unknown. Comeback to Robert Smith of The Cure

13) “I do maintain that if your hair is wrong, your entire life is wrong” – NME, 1984

14) “If I met Vic Reeves, I’d have no desire other than to smack him in the face” – Q, 1994

15) Jonathan Ross: “Can I call you Steven?”
Morrissey: “No”
Jonathan Ross: “Can we be friends after the show?”
Morrissey: “I don’t think so”
– The Jonathan Ross Show, 2004 (from 1.20 on the video below)

And one more that’s just bizarre…

“It’s very nice to be underwater. It gives you a very clear perspective on life. People look much better underwater. I like diving between people’s legs. And obviously coming out the other side. I don’t loiter”

At least he’s happy with one thing though – “being dumpy. Dumpy, fat and middle-aged” (NME).

AmyBryant

@amyebryant