You’re stuffing every form of food in your face if it has the word ‘Festive’ in-front of it right now aren’t you?
Festive mince Pie? Go On. Festive Chocolate log? Be rude not to. Festive piece of pig wrapped in more pig? Aye, why not.
You’ve over indulged before it’s even the big day. Let’s not forget last weekend at the work Christmas party when you drunkenly managed to snog the face of Pete/Janet from Marketing because ‘fuck it, its is Christmas’, and you probably can’t look at your boss in the eye ever again because there is a 99% chance that, yes, they did notice that was vomit on your santa jumper. You’ve bought grandma some of those dead tasty M&S biscuits that she loves, and your mother a 3for2 gift set from Boots because she ‘proper deserves some pampering’ this year, because she puts up with your shit. And most importantly, you’ve had The Pogues/ Wham/ Band Aid shoved into your poor bleeding ears at every given opportunity. Fucking give it a rest Bono, please.
Never fear. Gigslutz is here. For when you want to drown out the sound of Auntie Cathy asking what the hell you plan on ACTUALLY doing with your university degree, or for when you want to push the boat out and get into the spirit a little whilst wrapping those 3for2 gifts. We count down the 10 best alternative Christmas songs. We’ve picked some new’uns, some oldies and some undeniable classics. I promise they won’t make you want to shout ‘SANTA ISN’T REAL’ to any kids on the street. Promise.
10. Frankie & The Heartstrings ft Edwyn Collins- (Too Right) It’s Christmas
Yes, they’re still around, making indie pop tunes for your hearts delight. Following the release of their new album ‘Decency’ F+TH have followed up with this upbeat, catchy little number, with the added addition of charming Scottish musician Edwyn Collins. It has one of those catchy choruses that you learn the words to after, well, two listens. It’s festive, and it has nice guitars. Give it a whirl.
9. The Darkness-I Am Santa
Ft. red leather trousers, because it wouldn’t be The Darkness without a bit of PVC. Their guitars are covered in tinsel, it’s more 70’s glam rock riffs than you can shake a chirstmas tree at, and all they see is “tinsel and despair”. Oh and Justin Hawkins is “so hungry, hungry for you” not a ferrero rocher. Make’s for a nice change.
8. The Killers- Dirt Sledding
Oh, look, it’s The Killers annual festive release. Adding to their Christmas singly trilogy the genius video stars former Killers tour manager Ryan Pardey as a deranged Santa trying to murder Brandon Flowers (best join the queue Santa) Either way, it makes for a pleasant change from excessive sleigh bells , AND all proceeds from this song go to AIDS charities as part of the Product Red campaign.
7. Slow Club- Christmas TV
Christmas is one huge excuse to cry into a gin and text your ex/last fling/tinder date that never called/that one person who made eye contact with you on the train one time ever, right?! No, just me. Either way, Slow Clubs acoustic, forlorn, romantic remedy is just what the doctor ordered when you’re endlessly scrolling through instagram, alone aside from the family cat, and wishing that people who use #boydidgood would all disappear from the face of the planet.
6. The Flaming Lips- A Change at Christmas
It has one of those cheesy talking intro’s that is only ever appropriate for Christmas tracks. It’s a classic re-envisioned by psychedelic rock band The Flaming Lips. It’s a stoners paradise with tinkling keys, soft drum sampling, and, is that the faint sound of a cabasa I can hear? Stick this on whilst battling through the crowds at Tesco to get the last bottle of reduced ‘heat it yourself’ mulled wine, and breathe deeply. It’ll be January before you know it.
5. Courteeners- Winter Wonderland
FUNFACT: This song was written on norah Jones’ piano in her New York Home. Following their successful 2015, Courteeners have treated us to this christmas miracle, again with charitable efforts; all proceeds will be going to homelessness charity Shelter. With trademark anthemic lyrics, really beautiful vocals from Liam Fray (what else?!) and soft guitars, if this won’t make you feel all warm inside then I really don’t know what will….another drink perhaps?
4. Palma Violets-Last Christmas On Planet Earth
Released on the 1st of December via Rough Trade records, this should be on everybody’s indie/alternative christmas playlist this year. The clever boys over at Palma Violets HQ coincided this amongst the bands own Advent Calendar this month, which features “daily reveals of covers, poems and other festive treats from some very well known indie stars as well as the boys themselves,”. It’s typical Palma Violets, raucuas slurring vocals and boisterous guitars. You can find me chanting this on the way back from the pub, being a LAD.
3. Loose Tapestries- Can’t Wait For Christmas
Idris Elba raps about wanting an xbox, Sergio Pizzorno (of Kasabian fame obviously) composes, and Noel Fielding, well he just does what Noel Fielding does best. It’s possibly one of the most wacky, bizarre and totally acceptable infectious Christmas song going this year. The video is equally as eccentric. Yeah, I’m addicted.
(On Christmas day please find Noel Fielding still wandering the streets of Camden, looking like a Quality Street wrapper and searching for a KFC still open)
2. The Ramones- Merry Christmas (I don’t want to fight tonight)
Aw look, even The Ramones have put aside their punk attitudes for Christmas, they don’t want to fight with you, they just want to hold hands around the fire and wear a roll neck jumper okay?! Doesn’t mean that this classic isn’t still filled with those brilliant guitars (granted added sleigh bells for a right of passage), infectious drumming and Joey giving us plenty drawling ‘aw yeah, yeahhhs’. Also the below video is a reminder of everything that was great in 1989, yes, I mean the hair.
1. Julian Casablancas- I Wish It Was Christmas Today
It doesn’t get anymore alternative than Stroke leadsinger Julian Casablancas lulling you into the festive spirit, really, does it? This cover features Julian stepping away from the skinny jeans, and slipping on a snowman covered jumper. Released back in 2009 as another ‘Phrasez For The Young’ bonus track, ‘I Wish It Was Christmas Today’ is a fail safe track that will have you singing along and doing your best dad dancing around the fire.